Psalm 55
My mother had the kind of personality that valued loyalty above all else. The worst thing that could happen to her was for someone she trusted to betray her trust. This is why the family fight over my grandfather’s business was so devastating to her.
She moved with my father to his family’s home in central Pennsylvania where my father’s oldest sister became her best friend. But it was my aunt’s husband, along with another aunt’s husband that led the fight to force my father and his three younger siblings out of the company.
My aunt, my mother’s best friend in this small community in rural Pennsylvania, betrayed my mother’s friendship and my mother carried the bitterness of that betrayal to her grave.
Betrayal is a bitter experience and produces a range of emotions: fury, resentment, heartbreak, numbness, humiliation, rejection, hurt, insecurity and feeling unsafe. Betrayal can shatter the world you live in.
It would be safer to live in isolation with no pain or crying from broken relationships, but the problem is that we are designed by God to live in relationship with each other. We thrive by living in relationships and wilt in isolation.
We are not meant by God to live solitary lives but as soon as we enter into a world of relationships, the possibility of someone breaking the trust we have given them exists. And because we are sinful human beings, people do break our trust and we do get hurt. We need relationships and are hurt in them. Betrayal, in one form or another, is a part of our lives.
When people think of betrayal, they may think of infidelity, a spouse having an affair with another man or woman, but betrayal is much more widespread than this. An unfaithful coworker or boss can be nice to you and then turn and talk behind your back or they may take your ideas and pass them off as their own.
A friend can share things you had said in confidence. Someone you thought was a friend may choose sides and leave you behind in the dust. A politician or pastor you trusted may turn out to have been hiding a secret immoral life. A sexual or financial scandal breaks your heart as you see the leader you trusted break that trust.
Psalm 55 is a psalm written by David when a friend he trusted betrayed him. I referenced this psalm a couple weeks ago when I talked about writing our own psalms but I want to come back to this psalm to talk a bit more in depth about David’s experience.
If you have heard me preach over the years, you know that I have a difficult time with David. He is presented as a much better man and king than Saul and yet, if you compare their behavior, David did far worse things than Saul. But whatever you or I feel about David, he was someone who was very much in touch with his feelings – and he felt intensely. When he loved, he loved with all that was in him. When he sinned, he sinned with all of himself. There was nothing halfway about David.
John wrote about the seven churches in his Revelation and said about the Laodiceans: Revelation 3:15
I know your deeds, that you are neither cold nor hot. I wish you were either one or the other! 16 So, because you are lukewarm—neither hot nor cold—I am about to spit you out of my mouth.
There was nothing lukewarm about David and in this psalm he pours out his anguish in unrestrained language. He is hurt and his words come straight from his heart.
Open your ears, God, to my prayer;
don’t pretend you don’t hear me knocking.
Come close and whisper your answer.
I really need you.
I shudder at the mean voice,
quail before the evil eye,
As they pile on the guilt,
stockpile angry slander.
4–8 My insides are turned inside out;
specters of death have me down.
I shake with fear,
I shudder from head to foot.
David is in anguish, terror, fear, trembling and horror. And why was David feeling such strong emotions?
This isn’t the neighborhood bully
mocking me—I could take that.
This isn’t a foreign devil spitting
invective—I could tune that out.
It’s you! We grew up together!
You! My best friend!
Those long hours of leisure as we walked
arm in arm, God a third party to our conversation.
One of his close friends, a man with whom he had worshiped at the house of God, this friend had betrayed him.
David thought this man was a close friend but now he sees by his actions the falseness of his friendship.
And this, my best friend, betrayed his best friends;
his life betrayed his word.
All my life I’ve been charmed by his speech,
never dreaming he’d turn on me.
His words, which were music to my ears,
turned to daggers in my heart.
Imagine a conversation between David and this man a year before David wrote this psalm.
“David, you are my king and friend. It is wonderful to have experienced so much together and now to be here in Jerusalem, celebrating all that we have accomplished. God is so good to us.”
“Remember the days when we were hiding from Saul? Those were some tough days. Remember when Nabal treated us so rudely and we were ready to attack and destroy him and then Abigail came with presents to make amends? Remember the days in Gath? Remember when we pursued the army that had taken our families and possessions? We went through some hard times and you were always with us, fighting for us. You have always led us well. You can count on me David, I will always be your friend.”
He was a friend. He may have been a good friend. But then something came along and he had to choose between what he wanted and his friendship with David. His love for himself and his desires proved to be more powerful than his friendship and loyalty to David and he turned on David, rejected David, left David for something better.
Betrayal hurts and it hurts deeply. It hurts so deeply because we are meant to live in relationships of trust. We are born into a world where we are not able to take care of ourselves. We have to trust those who feed us and change our diapers. We never get over needing other people in relationship with us. We may be able to dress ourselves and feed ourselves, but on an emotional and spiritual basis, we are as dependent on others as are little babies.
What makes life painful is when those we trust betray that trust. Some parents are abusive. Friends don’t stand up for you when you are in trouble. Friends choose another friend and reject you. Teachers are unfair to you. Spouses are unfaithful. Bosses use you and throw you away when they do not need you any longer. Someone you trusted takes sides against you. Someone says, “I love you,” and then it becomes obvious they were using you when they choose another person to marry.
Life is full of betrayal.
There are a lot of ways we respond to betrayal but how did David respond to this betrayal?
“Who will give me wings,” I ask—
“wings like a dove?”
Get me out of here on dove wings;
I want some peace and quiet.
I want a walk in the country,
I want a cabin in the woods.
I’m desperate for a change
from rage and stormy weather.
This is a favorite coping mechanism in dealing with pain, avoidance. Flee, get away, escape. We want to either physically run away or escape into the world of drugs, alcohol, sex, mindless television, overeating, shopping or some other means of avoiding reality.
No matter how we do it, we want to flee, escape.
This is what Jeremiah felt when his unpopular message that the Babylonians would conquer Jerusalem branded him a traitor to Israel.
Jeremiah 9:2
Oh, that I had in the desert
a lodging place for travelers,
so that I might leave my people
and go away from them;
This is what Elijah did after he defeated the prophets of Baal on Mount Carmel. He heard from Jezebel that she was going to kill him and
I Kings 19
Elijah was afraid and ran for his life. When he came to Beersheba in Judah, he left his servant there, 4 while he himself went a day’s journey into the desert. He came to a broom tree, sat down under it and prayed that he might die. “I have had enough, Lord,” he said. “Take my life; I am no better than my ancestors.” 5 Then he lay down under the tree and fell asleep.
This is what I have been tempted to do when I have been overwhelmed with stress and pain, run away, escape, avoid reality and go to sleep.
But this is not what David did. He continued writing his psalm. He expressed his hurt and pain, expressed his desire to flee and get away from the hurt and then he called on God to help him, in the way David preferred to deal with his enemies.
Come down hard, Lord—slit their tongues.
David was hurt by betrayal and angry. In his anger he called on God to act violently against his enemies.
Haul my betrayers off alive to hell—let them
experience the horror, let them
feel every desolate detail of a damned life.
David continues the psalm, alternating between expressions of submission and trust in God and striking out against his enemy. The intensity of his emotions keep rising up and when they do, he expresses them. He ends the psalm with this:
Pile your troubles on God’s shoulders—
he’ll carry your load, he’ll help you out.
He’ll never let good people
topple into ruin.
But you, God, will throw the others
into a muddy bog,
Cut the lifespan of assassins
and traitors in half.
And I trust in you.
It is not a pretty psalm but it got David closer to where God wanted him to be.
I trust in you.
As much as David sinned with all his being, he also loved God with all his heart and in God he put his trust.
David knew the love of God and even in his darkest moments was able to draw strength from that love. This is why David is called a man after God’s own heart
David loved God and so pursued his relationship with him through all his sinful anger and behavior. He trusted God and came back, again and again to that point of trust.
How do you respond to hurt, pain and betrayal?
As adopted sons and daughters of God, we come to Jesus, knowing that he understands what we are going through. The reason we do not run away from pain is because the one who saved us experienced the betrayal of a close friend. Jesus does not just sympathize with us when we are betrayed by someone, he empathizes. Jesus was betrayed by Judas, denied by Peter and abandoned by the rest of his disciples. He knows first hand the pain of betrayal and rejection and abandonment.
Hebrews 4:14
Therefore, since we have a great high priest who has gone through the heavens, Jesus the Son of God, let us hold firmly to the faith we profess. 15 For we do not have a high priest who is unable to sympathize with our weaknesses, but we have one who has been tempted in every way, just as we are—yet was without sin. 16 Let us then approach the throne of grace with confidence, so that we may receive mercy and find grace to help us in our time of need.
Whatever pain you are going through, betrayal or otherwise, you have a savior who loves you and understands what it is you are experiencing. You can approach God with confidence, knowing you will receive the mercy and grace you need to help you through the pain you are feeling.
Let me move from betrayal to hypocrisy.
David felt betrayed by his friend. I wonder if, when David wrote this psalm, he remembered friends he had betrayed.
Two weeks ago I talked a bit about the story of David and Bathsheba and how David murdered Bathsheba’s husband, Uriah, to cover up Bathsheba’s pregnancy.
To recap the story from Uriah’s perspective, he was with the army at war when Joab told him he needed to come back to Jerusalem to meet with King David. He arrived and discovered there was no good reason for him to have come back. David wanted him to go to his home but he refused since his soldiers were on the field and he denied himself the pleasures of a marital bed.
David kept him a second night, ate and dined with him and made sure he was drunk. But although Uriah was drunk, he was not too drunk to realize something was going on and once again Uriah refused to go to his home.
So David sent him back to Joab with instructions that Uriah was to be put into the battle at the front and then soldiers pulled away from him so he would die.
I don’t think Uriah was a stupid man and he suspected what David was doing. This is a psalm Uriah might have written just before he went into his last battle.
URIAH’S PSALM
Listen to my prayer, O God,
do not ignore my plea;
hear me and answer me.
My king, my friend, has betrayed me
Do not betray me, O God
Be truer than a friend
who takes what he wants and discards me like yesterday’s newspaper
My commander read the message of the king
and his eyes told me what I wanted to know
I am a dead man.
My king has taken my bride
and now I go back into battle to die
My life is over and there will be no son to carry on my name
The bitterness of betrayal chokes in my throat
As a servant of the king I am as helpless as a newborn baby
What can I do against the actions of the king?
Who will help me if not you
Only you can save me
I put my trust in you
only you can be trusted
friends deceive and friends betray
but you are true and on you I can always rely
In this life and after the grave
There is a strong measure of hypocrisy in David writing Psalm 55 so passionately when he himself had so severely betrayed others.
I would have preferred that David put a section in his psalm that recognized his own acts of betrayal and begged forgiveness from God for all his terrible behavior. I wish he had been able to hear the teaching of Jesus from the Sermon on the Mount
Matthew 7
“Why do you look at the speck of sawdust in your brother’s eye and pay no attention to the plank in your own eye? 4 How can you say to your brother, ‘Let me take the speck out of your eye,’ when all the time there is a plank in your own eye? 5 You hypocrite, first take the plank out of your own eye, and then you will see clearly to remove the speck from your brother’s eye.
We are all hypocrites. If we have been betrayed, chances are the other part of the relationship might think we acted unjustly as well. There are always two sides to every conflict.
When we present our story, we put ourselves in as good a light as we can. Hypocrisy is a part of who we are and so we need a measure of humility and self-awareness when we confront the injustice that is inflicted on us. We need to try to see the conflict from the point of view of the other person in the relationship.
It would have been nice to hear a bit more humility and self-awareness from David, but presenting a fair and balanced picture is not the job of a psalm. A psalm expresses how I feel at the moment and lets the expression of how I feel lead me to healing and wholeness. And David was very good at this.
He sinned with all his might, he complained with all his might, he fought with all his might, he danced with all his might and he loved with all his might.
When you write a psalm, don’t be held back by what you think would be good for people to hear. Don’t try to give a fair and balanced view of life. Write what you feel and go from there. Write as powerfully as you can about what you are feeling and then let the Holy Spirit move you from there to healing and wholeness. The Holy Spirit will bring you to a fair and balanced view of life.
Write your psalm, let all your emotions out, and then pray this prayer from Psalm 139:23–24
Search me, O God, and know my heart;
test me and know my anxious thoughts.
24 See if there is any offensive way in me,
and lead me in the way everlasting.
David wrote his psalm and it led him to a place of trust, but I wish David had taken time to sit and reflect and allowed God to remind him of his own sin. It is important to write down all the intensity of what we are feeling, but then if healing and growth is to come, we need to take time, a lot of time, to allow God to speak to us.
In my imaginary psalm of Uriah, Uriah was led to a place of trust in God who would not betray him and would not discard him
Jesus said:
John 14:1
“Do not let your hearts be troubled. Trust in God; trust also in me.
Trust is where we are meant to be led. God wants us to trust him.
So we move from betrayal to hypocrisy to trust.
What are the two promises of God in scripture?
The first is that God promises to be present with us through whatever we experience in this life.
Isaiah 43:2
When you pass through the waters,
I will be with you;
and when you pass through the rivers,
they will not sweep over you.
When you walk through the fire,
you will not be burned;
the flames will not set you ablaze.
In the Great Commission Jesus gave to his disciples, he assured them (Matthew 28:20)
And surely I am with you always, to the very end of the age.”
Hebrews 13:5
God has said,
“Never will I leave you;
never will I forsake you.”
6 So we say with confidence,
“The Lord is my helper; I will not be afraid.
What can man do to me?”
The second promise of God is found in John’s gospel.
John 14:1-3
“Do not let your hearts be troubled. Trust in God; trust also in me. 2 In my Father’s house are many rooms; if it were not so, I would have told you. I am going there to prepare a place for you. 3 And if I go and prepare a place for you, I will come back and take you to be with me that you also may be where I am.
While we live in this world God promises he will always be with us. He does not promise life will be easy and without pain, but he promises to be with us. And when we die our physical death, Jesus promises to take us to be with him for eternity.
When Jesus was talking with his disciples about the end of time, he told them: (Luke 21:16–19)
You will be betrayed even by parents, brothers, relatives and friends, and they will put some of you to death. 17 All men will hate you because of me. 18 But not a hair of your head will perish. 19 By standing firm you will gain life.
In three sentences Jesus said, they will put some of you to death; you will be hated because of me; not a hair of your head will perish.
How can a hair of your head not perish when you are put to death? Because Jesus knows that this world is temporary and not our permanent home. By standing firm we will gain life, eternal life.
This is why we trust him. This is why when we are going through the pain of betrayal, we hold on to Jesus who will never leave us or forsake us. This is why when we are filled with fear, we hold on to Jesus because he promises that no matter how long we live or how painfully we die, he will take us to be with him.
So we trust in Jesus. We trust in God.
My mother’s life would have been so different if she had come to God with her bitterness and asked for help. So much pain in her life and in the life of her children could have been avoided if she had been willing to give up her anger.
When you avoid dealing with hurts in your life, it affects more than yourself. It affects your family, your friends, your neighbors.
Deal with the hurts and betrayals in your life and come to a point of trust in God – for your sake and for the sake of those around you.
We say, “I trust in God,” but too many of us are only putting our toes in the water. We need to jump in the water and put all of our trust in God.
Writing psalms is one way of encouraging us to do that. Take your emotions, no matter how ugly they are, and write, releasing your fears and apprehensions and hurts, and work your way to trust in God who will never leave you or forsake you and who will bring you safely into his kingdom.
