Betrayal, Hypocrisy, and Trust

Psalm 55

My mother had the kind of personality that valued loyalty above all else. The worst thing that could happen to her was for someone she trusted to betray her trust. This is why the family fight over my grandfather’s business was so devastating to her.

She moved with my father to his family’s home in central Pennsylvania where my father’s oldest sister became her best friend. But it was my aunt’s husband, along with another aunt’s husband that led the fight to force my father and his three younger siblings out of the company.

My aunt, my mother’s best friend in this small community in rural Pennsylvania, betrayed my mother’s friendship and my mother carried the bitterness of that betrayal to her grave.

Betrayal is a bitter experience and produces a range of emotions: fury, resentment, heartbreak, numbness, humiliation, rejection, hurt, insecurity and feeling unsafe. Betrayal can shatter the world you live in.

So why not avoid relationships? It is much safer to live in isolation.

Listen to these Paul Simon lyrics:

A winters day

In a deep and dark December;

I am alone,

Gazing from my window to the streets below

On a freshly fallen silent shroud of snow.

I am a rock,

I am an island.

I’ve built walls,

A fortress deep and mighty,

That none may penetrate.

I have no need of friendship; friendship causes pain.

Its laughter and its loving I disdain.

I am a rock,

I am an island.

Don’t talk of love,

But I’ve heard the words before;

Its sleeping in my memory.

I won’t disturb the slumber of feelings that have died.

If I never loved I never would have cried.

I am a rock,

I am an island.

I have my books

And my poetry to protect me;

I am shielded in my armor,

Hiding in my room, safe within my womb.

I touch no one and no one touches me.

I am a rock,

I am an island.

And a rock feels no pain;

And an island never cries.

It may be safer to live in isolation with no pain or crying from broken relationships, but the problem is that we are designed by God to live in relationship with each other. We thrive by living in relationships and wilt in isolation.

We are not meant by God to live solitary lives but as soon as we enter into a world of relationships, the possibility of someone breaking the trust we have given them exists and because we are sinful human beings, people do break our trust and we do get hurt. We need relationships and are hurt in them. Betrayal, in one form or another, is a part of our lives.

When people think of betrayal, they may think of infidelity, a spouse having an affair with another man or woman, but betrayal is much more widespread than this. An unfaithful coworker or boss can be nice to you and then turn and talk behind your back or they may take your ideas and pass them off as their own.

A friend can share things you had said in confidence to them. Someone you thought was a friend may choose sides and leave you behind in the dust. A politician or pastor you trusted may turn out to have been hiding a secret immoral life. A sexual or financial scandal breaks your heart as you see the leader you trusted break that trust.

Psalm 55 is a psalm written by David when a friend he trusted betrayed him. There are a lot of possibilities of when this might have happened, but we really have no idea which of these triggered the writing of this psalm. But David was hurt by this betrayal and he wrote this psalm as part of his spiritual exercise.

Someone emailed me after my last sermon to say that they could tell I didn’t like David very much. That is not exactly true. But it is true that I think he got better press when his story was written than when they wrote the account of Saul’s life and I am looking forward to preaching from Saul’s life this fall.

But whatever you or I feel about David, he was someone who was very much in touch with his feelings – and he felt intensely. When he loved, he loved with all that was in him. When he sinned, he sinned with all of himself. There was nothing halfway about David.

John wrote about the seven churches in his Revelation and said about the Laodiceans: Revelation 3:15

I know your deeds, that you are neither cold nor hot. I wish you were either one or the other! ¹⁶ So, because you are lukewarm—neither hot nor cold—I am about to spit you out of my mouth.

There was nothing lukewarm about David and in this psalm he pours out his anguish in unrestrained language. He is hurt and his words come straight from his heart.

Open your ears, God, to my prayer;

don’t pretend you don’t hear me knocking.

Come close and whisper your answer.

I really need you.

I shudder at the mean voice,

quail before the evil eye,

As they pile on the guilt,

stockpile angry slander.

^4–8 My insides are turned inside out;

specters of death have me down.

I shake with fear,

I shudder from head to foot.

David is in anguish, terror, fear, trembling and horror. And why was David feeling such strong emotions?

This isn’t the neighborhood bully

mocking me—I could take that.

This isn’t a foreign devil spitting

invective—I could tune that out.

It’s you! We grew up together!

You! My best friend!

Those long hours of leisure as we walked

arm in arm, God a third party to our conversation.

One of his close friends, a man with whom he had worshiped at the house of God, this friend had betrayed him.

David thought this man was a close friend but now he sees by his actions the falseness of his friendship.

And this, my best friend, betrayed his best friends;

his life betrayed his word.

All my life I’ve been charmed by his speech,

never dreaming he’d turn on me.

His words, which were music to my ears,

turned to daggers in my heart.

Imagine a conversation between David and this man a year before David wrote this psalm.

“David, you are my king and friend. It is wonderful to have experienced so much together and now to be here in Jerusalem, celebrating all that we have accomplished. God is so good to us.”

“Remember the days when we were hiding from Saul? Those were some tough days. Remember when Nabal treated us so rudely and we were ready to attack and destroy him and then Abigail came with presents to make amends? Remember the days in Gath? Remember when we pursued the army that had taken our families and possessions? We went through some hard times and you were always with us, fighting for us. You have always led us well. You can count on me David, I will always be your friend.”

Smooth and slick on the outside but then his actions revealed an evil heart and he turned on David, rejected David, left David for something better.

Betrayal hurts and it hurts deeply. It hurts so deeply because we are meant to live in relationships of trust. We are born into a world where we are not able to take care of ourselves. We have to trust those who feed us and change our diapers. We never get over needing other people in relationship with us. We may be able to dress ourselves and feed ourselves, but on an emotional and spiritual basis, we are as dependent on others as are little babies.

What makes life painful is that those in whom we trust betray that trust. Some parents are abusive. Friends don’t stand up for you when you are in trouble. Friends choose another friend and reject you. Teachers are unfair to you. Spouses are unfaithful. Bosses use you and throw you away when they do not need you any longer. Someone you trusted takes sides against you. Someone says, “I love you,” and then chooses another person to marry.

Life is full of betrayal.

There are a lot of ways we respond to betrayal but how did David respond to this betrayal?

“Who will give me wings,” I ask—

“wings like a dove?”

Get me out of here on dove wings;

I want some peace and quiet.

I want a walk in the country,

I want a cabin in the woods.

I’m desperate for a change

from rage and stormy weather.

This is our favorite coping mechanism in dealing with pain, avoidance. Flee, get away, escape. We want to either physically run away or escape into the world of drugs, alcohol, sex, mindless television, overeating, shopping or some other means of avoiding reality.

No matter how we do it, we want to flee, escape.

This is what Jeremiah felt when his unpopular message that the Babylonians would conquer Jerusalem branded him a traitor to Israel.

Jeremiah 9:2

Oh, that I had in the desert

a lodging place for travelers,

so that I might leave my people

and go away from them;

This is what Elijah did after he defeated the prophets of Baal on Mount Carmel. He heard from Jezebel that she was going to kill him and

I Kings 19

Elijah was afraid and ran for his life. When he came to Beersheba in Judah, he left his servant there, ⁴ while he himself went a day’s journey into the desert. He came to a broom tree, sat down under it and prayed that he might die. “I have had enough, Lord,” he said. “Take my life; I am no better than my ancestors.” ⁵ Then he lay down under the tree and fell asleep.

This is what I have been tempted to do when I have been overwhelmed with stress and pain, run away, escape, avoid reality and go to sleep.

But this is not what David did. He continued writing his psalm. He expressed his hurt and pain, expressed his desire to flee and get away from the hurt and then he called on God to help him, in the way David preferred to deal with his enemies.

Come down hard, Lord—slit their tongues.

David was hurt by betrayal and angry. In his anger he called on God to act violently against his enemies.

Haul my betrayers off alive to hell—let them

experience the horror, let them

feel every desolate detail of a damned life.

Once again, David does not hold back. He gives full expression to all he is feeling.

And now, after David has expressed his anguish and anger, he is able to move to a remembering of how God has helped him in the past.

I call to God;

God will help me.

At dusk, dawn, and noon I sigh

deep sighs—he hears, he rescues.

My life is well and whole, secure

in the middle of danger

Even while thousands

are lined up against me.

God hears it all, and from his judge’s bench

puts them in their place.

But, set in their ways, they won’t change;

they pay him no mind.

This is followed by another outburst of anger at the betrayal of his enemy and then once again he remembers.

Pile your troubles on God’s shoulders—

he’ll carry your load, he’ll help you out.

He’ll never let good people

topple into ruin.

As he comes to the end of his psalm, David can’t help adding another curse on his enemies

But you, God, will throw the others

into a muddy bog,

Cut the lifespan of assassins

and traitors in half.

This is not a pretty psalm. There is a lot of ugliness in the raw emotions expressed. But see where the psalm ends up.

And I trust in you.

It is not a pretty psalm but it got David where God wanted him to be.

I trust in you.

As much as David sinned with all his being, he also loved God with all his heart and in God he put his trust.

David knew the love of God and even in his darkest moments was able to draw strength from that love. This is why David is called a man after God’s own heart

David loved God and so pursued his relationship with him through all his sinful anger and behavior. He trusted God and came back, again and again to that point of trust.

How do you respond to hurt, pain and betrayal? Remember that David was an ancestor of Jesus while we live as recipients of the love of Jesus. David did not have the teaching and example of Jesus to inspire him and did not have the Holy Spirit as we do. How much more then should we come to God with our anger and resentment and sinful behavior and seek wholeness and healing.

As adopted sons and daughters of God, we come to Jesus, knowing that he understands what we are going through. The reason we do not run away from pain is because the one who saved us experienced the betrayal of a close friend. Jesus does not just sympathize with us when we are betrayed by someone, he empathizes. Jesus was betrayed by Judas, denied by Peter and abandoned by the rest of his disciples. He knows first hand the pain of betrayal and rejection and abandonment.

Hebrews 4:14

Therefore, since we have a great high priest who has gone through the heavens, Jesus the Son of God, let us hold firmly to the faith we profess. ¹⁵ For we do not have a high priest who is unable to sympathize with our weaknesses, but we have one who has been tempted in every way, just as we are—yet was without sin. ¹⁶ Let us then approach the throne of grace with confidence, so that we may receive mercy and find grace to help us in our time of need.

Whatever pain you are going through, betrayal or otherwise, you have a savior who loves you and understands what it is you are experiencing. You can approach God with confidence, knowing you will receive the mercy and grace you need to help you through the pain you are feeling.

Let me move from betrayal to hypocrisy.

David felt betrayed by his friend. I wonder if, when David wrote this psalm, he remembered friends he had betrayed.

Two weeks ago I preached from Psalm 51, David’s psalm of confession after he murdered Uriah so he could marry Bathsheba.

To recap the story from Uriah’s perspective, he was out in the field at war when Joab told him he needed to come back to Jerusalem to meet with King David. He arrived and discovered there was no good reason for him to have come back. David wanted him to go to his home but he refused since his soldiers were on the field and denied the pleasures of a marital bed.

David kept him a second night, ate and dined with him and made sure he was drunk. But again Uriah refused to go to his home.

So David sent him back to Joab with instructions that Uriah was to be put into the battle at the front and then soldiers pulled away from him so he would die.

I don’t think Uriah was a stupid man and he suspected what David was doing. This is a psalm Uriah might have written just before he went into his last battle.

URIAH’S PSALM

Listen to my prayer, O God,

do not ignore my plea;

hear me and answer me.

My king, my friend, has betrayed me

Do not betray me, O God

Be truer than a friend

who takes what he wants and discards me like yesterday’s newspaper

My commander read the message of the king

and his eyes told me what I wanted to know

I am a dead man.

My king has taken my bride

and now I go back into battle to die

My life is over and there will be no son to carry on my name

The bitterness of betrayal chokes in my throat

As a servant of the king I am as helpless as a newborn baby

What can I do against the actions of the king?

Who will help me if not you

Only you can save me

I put my trust in you

only you can be trusted

friends deceive and friends betray

but you are true and on you I can always rely

In this life and after the grave

There is a strong measure of hypocrisy in David writing Psalm 55 so passionately when he himself had so severely betrayed others.

I would have preferred that David put a section in his psalm that recognized his own acts of betrayal and begged forgiveness from God for all his terrible behavior. I wish he had been able to hear the teaching of Jesus from the Sermon on the Mount

Matthew 7

“Why do you look at the speck of sawdust in your brother’s eye and pay no attention to the plank in your own eye? ⁴ How can you say to your brother, ‘Let me take the speck out of your eye,’ when all the time there is a plank in your own eye? ⁵ You hypocrite, first take the plank out of your own eye, and then you will see clearly to remove the speck from your brother’s eye.

We are all hypocrites. If we have been betrayed, chances are the other part of the relationship might think we acted unjustly as well. There are always two sides to every conflict.

When we present our story, we put ourselves in as good a light as we can. Hypocrisy is a part of who we are and so we need a measure of humility and self-awareness when we confront the injustice that is inflicted on us. We need to try to see the conflict from the point of view of the other person in the relationship. “Be kind,” Philo of Alexandria wrote, “for everyone you meet is fighting a great battle.”

It would have been nice to hear a bit more humility and self-awareness from David, but presenting a fair and balanced picture is not the job of a psalm. A psalm expresses how I feel at the moment and lets the expression of how I feel lead me to healing and wholeness. And David was very good at this.

He sinned with all his might, he complained with all his might, he fought with all his might, he danced with all his might and he loved with all his might.

When you write a psalm, don’t be held back by what you think would be good for people to hear. Don’t try to give a fair and balanced view of life. Write what you feel and go from there. Write as powerfully as you can about what you are feeling and then let the Holy Spirit move you from there to healing and wholeness. The Holy Spirit will bring you to a fair and balanced view of life.

David wrote his psalm and it led him to a wonderful place of trust.

In my imaginary psalm of Uriah, he was led to a place of trust in God who would not betray him and would not discard him

Trust is where we are meant to be led. God wants us to trust him.

So we move from betrayal to hypocrisy to trust.

What are the two promises of God in scripture?

The first is that God promises to be present with us through whatever we experience in this life.

Isaiah 43:2

When you pass through the waters,

I will be with you;

and when you pass through the rivers,

they will not sweep over you.

When you walk through the fire,

you will not be burned;

the flames will not set you ablaze.

In the Great Commission Jesus gave to his disciples, he assured them (Matthew 28:20)

And surely I am with you always, to the very end of the age.”

Hebrews 13:5

God has said,

“Never will I leave you;

never will I forsake you.”

⁶ So we say with confidence,

“The Lord is my helper; I will not be afraid.

What can man do to me?”

The second promise of God is found in John’s gospel.

John 14:1-3

“Do not let your hearts be troubled. Trust in God; trust also in me. ² In my Father’s house are many rooms; if it were not so, I would have told you. I am going there to prepare a place for you. ³ And if I go and prepare a place for you, I will come back and take you to be with me that you also may be where I am.

While we live in this world God promises he will always be with us. He does not promise life will be easy and without pain, but he promises to be with us.

And when we die our physical death, Jesus promises to take us to be with him for eternity.

This is why we trust him. This is why when we are going through the pain of betrayal, we hold on to Jesus who will never leave us or forsake us. This is why when we are filled with fear, we hold on to Jesus because he promises that no matter how long we live or how painfully we die, he will take us to be with him.

So we trust in Jesus. We trust in God.

My mother’s life would have been so different if she had come to God with her bitterness and asked for help. So much pain in her life and in the life of her children could have been avoided if she had been willing to give up her anger.

When you avoid dealing with hurts in your life, it affects more than yourself. It affects your family, your friends, your neighbors.

Deal with the hurts and betrayals in your life and come to a point of trust in God – for your sake and for the sake of those around you.

You say, “I trust in God,” but too many of us are only putting our toes in the water. We need to jump in the water and put all of our trust in God.

Writing psalms is one way of encouraging us to do that. Take your emotions, no matter how ugly they are, and write, releasing your fears and apprehensions and hurts and work your way to trust in God who will never leave you or forsake you and who will bring you safely into his kingdom.

Jesus said:

John 14:1

“Do not let your hearts be troubled. Trust in God; trust also in me.